I got a call recently from a man who needed some advice (and comfort) regarding his 92 year old mother, who would really get angry when they began to talk about a couple of subjects that caught him off guard.
“My mom seems irrational about these things,” he went on to say, “and I am not sure where she got the idea in her mind that makes her feel so strongly about it,” he shared. His mother would literally become agitated and angry, many times making him feel like walking out of the room, and his mother wondering why he didn’t just leave her alone about these things.
What could make this dear little mother and loving son get so agitated you ask?
Two things….saying that he was there to help, and she didn’t think she needed help (Though she asked him for help all the time,) and the legal side of end of life issues, like power of attorney.
Mom didn’t want to admit that she really needed the help he was giving her for some reason and became quite agitated when he brought it up. Power of attorney sounded like a blank check for family to rip her off…
Perhaps she had been feeling like she was doing quite fine without him and didn’t think that his coming over (at her request) for doctors visits, repairing things, and shopping was considered help. She needed help, and he wanted to help her, but there seemed to be some sort feeling that if she brought it up, it was ok, if he brought it up, she’d get upset.
Sometimes the shift of the role with parents needed the help of their children is a big one, and in many cases, it can be an unwelcome intruder into a relationship that has been independent for many decades.
I told him to be patient, listen, and most of all, this is normal behavior in many cases. It takes time to adjust at any age. Next time we can talk about Power of Attorney and why that made her really freak out…
If you are interested in getting in home care for a loved one in the Antelope Valley Palmdale, Lancaster, Santa Clarita, Valenica or Newhall, give us a call and let’s chat.